I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
