i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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