D3 body, D1 cock
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
