Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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