Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
