I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
