Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
