i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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