I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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