Me. At least after what I've been through.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
