she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
