I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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