Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
