I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
