I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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