sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
