And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
