Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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