erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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