Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
