This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
