I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
