2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
