I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
