Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
