I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
