forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
