There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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