he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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