I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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