Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
