so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
