just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
