i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
