mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
