are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
