Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
