Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
