Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it glows. i had to have it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
