There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
