went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
