Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
