honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
