Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
