so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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