my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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