Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
