I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
