the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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