I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
