He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
