Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm really busy with my period
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
