I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
