I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
